a room for evelyn

 finding inspiration 

for a fresh dreamy space

for my sweet girl.

the title of this book

(by catherynne valente)

sums it up pretty well:

"the girl who circumnavigated fairyland

in a ship of her own making"

there will be whimsy,

adventures, magic, cute critters,

warrior princess spunk,

and wonderful new worlds to explore.

 

1.gold star cloud mobile by baby jives co

2.hedgehog cutie by glad o art

3.paper mâché wolf by abigail brown

4.vintage vanity set at sadie olive

5.victorious print by the black spot books

6.little red mobile at acorn toy shop

7.vintage mirror and brush set at bluey loves cocoa

8.driftwood boat by yalos

9.mountain range cushions by acordion apparel

10.vintage marble globe at harmonicajane

11.white felt deer by two sad donkeys

12.falling star collage by sushipot

13.felted pillow sheepscape by dellalana

14.moon engraving astronomy print by the curators print

15.searching from neverland print by esther from the sticks

16.new france antique map print at maps and posters

 

autumn wonderings and lingerings

 crisp & mellow days are taking turns.

gray days weeping

with the melancholy of fleeting moments.

golden days dripping

with honey

and the fragrance of dying leaves.

only two ways to respond

to the miracle of these new days:

venture out

through the wonderland of golden arches

set against a silver sky,

the streets gilded under your foot steps,

until your heart explodes

of so much beauty.

or

venture in

through the wonderland of your heart

spilling its treasures 

on the crisp pages of your journal.

listen to what the rain has to say

over a cup of strong black tea.

eat golden foods

dripping with the sweet nectar

of the dying sun.

butter

maple

bourbon

caramel

pears

melting into

chewy oats.

sojourn.

meander.

dillydally.

how the light gets in

 "there is something in october

sets the gypsy blood astir,

we must rise and follow her

when from every hill of flame,

she calls

each vababond by name."

- william bliss carman

so it is that october beckons me.

i put on my boots

and an epic audio book,

grab the camera,

and venture out into the snappy,

musty, earth scented air.

no plan,

no expectations,

no thinking even.

just walking

and watching

where october takes me.

and what an alluring

companion she proves to be

under fragile arches

that trap the essence of the sun,

over gilded rustling carpets,

through forgotten alleys

teeming with the magic

of the derelict.

i am once again drawn

to the broken things,

to the cracked, the neglected, the forsaken.

 and once again i find inspiration

by the bucket loads.

 

 "forget your perfect offering
there is a crack in everything
that's how the light gets in."

-leonard cohen

in which i publicly break down (again) and find hope

'she who guards the night' 48'x36' mixed media on canvas

 well, friends, my appologies

for the inconsistencies in posting.

insert 1001 colorful excuses.

the truth is i fear being irrelevant,

and this overwhelming fear bullies me into inaction.

the irony wink winks.

like you, i desperately need to create

beauty & meaning. to add value. to matter.

to not waste my time & yours.

(where time=life)

unlike you(wink wink), i fail daily.

oh, i seek help. i'm so full of help

my head buzzes with a cacophony of wisdom, well

meaning advice & conflicting self help nuggets

first thing in the morning

every. single. day.

supposedly, 96% of our daily thoughts

are a repeat of yesterday's.

they mostly add up to 1 idea:

'you are not (good) enough'.

i find this to be true. of me, again, unlike you.

 (i process things best in conversation.

just now realizing where this is going)

but, SO WHAT!

the fierce battle of thought & quest for truth

between you're not enough - yes, you are -

no, you're not has been driving me nuts for years.

what's the point, i ask. why does it even matter?

whose standard is it? 

why do we even need to compare?

gifts+weaknesses+time=me

i love. i am loved. i've got time.(for now)

i do what i can.

(in which what i can<what i think i can)

SO WHAT!

more or less we are all comprised of the same

elements.

the sun shines on the good & the bad.

perhaps we should all just savor

the honey sweetness of the light.

a necessary reminder

lest this gets overbearingly existential,

here are a few snapshots of recent anca times

to be savored and celebrated:

after months of sparse-to-no sales

(no sales at the solo show either),

sales! 4 small pieces & 4 large pieces

-including the commissions pictured-

within a couple of weeks.

sleeping under the stars,

that campfire smell you can't get out of your hair.

cake & steak for breakfast. lots of rain
bringing life on its green wings.

blackberry limeade spiked with an entire bottle of tequila.
oops!

sand dunes & sand between the toes & sand everywhere.

good talks with better friends.

surprise flowers. tomatoes from the garden.

picnics & cuddling to live symphony & chicago skyline.

sun & sun & oh so much water that like a child

you refuse to come out of.

the bawling embrace of mom, as i share

how intensely loved i feel.

sushi & korean pancakes & steamed mussels

with crusty bread

& the morning light on the patio.

lovely friends giving birth to new lovely friends.

stealing kisses and drowning them in red wine.

a generous gift of art supplies.

painting for days. finding just the right books

at the corner library.

being invited to contribute to just the right book.

i'd be a fool in the face of all this abundance

to bemoan my undeserving nature.

well, i am a fool.

but occasionally i remember:

SO WHAT!

'don't look at me, ok?' 36'x48' mixed media on canvas

and now back to egg shells. t-1month till

delivery of the art prize piece.

the next 30 days promise to be

meditative & nerve-wrecking.

exploratory & back-breaking.

but mostly filled to the brim with life

waiting to be savored.

(if we are ever so lucky as to be alive)

take a juicy bite! 

shockingly pretty stacks.  love it when work sneaks up on me.

what is left and how to move forward

well, the wedding came and went,

beautiful as it could be,

hectic, joyful.

and so the guests,

leaving behind

acute silence.

followed two days

of proper hibernation,

blacked out windows blocking

any trace of summer.

contentment, tea, pjs.

enter a wave of unwanted guests:

 confusion, dismay, paralyzing fear.

a slow season for the sale

of my works has me disheartened.

the bread and butter thing

looms, threatens... and

it seems i am unable to get side work.

stuck. 

balancing on the edge of screwed.

 but wait, my knight in shining armor

is here to kick my butt.

he tells me the work is good,

good enough to help us survive.

if only i poured myself into it.

no distractions, no excuses.

he is brave enough to tell the cutting truth.

i have not given it my all.

bare before his knowing eye,

i bleed and nod. 

(if nothing else, i know how to pick

a good lover)

 today, exactly four years since

vowing to,

he chooses patience, though it costs him anxiety,

he embraces me, flaws and all,

he helps me up on my horse

and hands me the sword...

he fights for and alongside me,

unafraid.

 oh, and all this stuff?

random piles of junk

i found strewn around the house

when the dust settled.

i believe something beautiful

can come of them.

playing with fire

  

'you will hear thunder and remember me,
and think: she wanted storms. the rim
of the sky will be the color of hard crimson,
and your heart, as it was then, will be on fire.'

- anna akhmatova

a longing.

silence & incense;

the murmur of tea

being poured

into clay bowls,

almost a prayer.

the smoke. the vapor.

breath.

days.

weathered. beautiful.

 i put on the boots,

opened my eyes,

and started walking.

 magic unfolds

from unexpected places.

  

the weak, beat up,

torn, broken, chipped,

discarded, rusted, abandoned,

weathered things

of the world

shame the rich,

the complex, the brand new.

 

  

unspeakable beauty

is to be found

in the dust.

and dust we are.

the trail of beauty

led me to a door.

the door opened into

a quiet space.

a space for letting go.

for resting.

for being.

a space of freedom

to find

the beauty

inside.

i will share more about this space.  soon.