what is left and how to move forward

well, the wedding came and went,

beautiful as it could be,

hectic, joyful.

and so the guests,

leaving behind

acute silence.

followed two days

of proper hibernation,

blacked out windows blocking

any trace of summer.

contentment, tea, pjs.

enter a wave of unwanted guests:

 confusion, dismay, paralyzing fear.

a slow season for the sale

of my works has me disheartened.

the bread and butter thing

looms, threatens... and

it seems i am unable to get side work.

stuck. 

balancing on the edge of screwed.

 but wait, my knight in shining armor

is here to kick my butt.

he tells me the work is good,

good enough to help us survive.

if only i poured myself into it.

no distractions, no excuses.

he is brave enough to tell the cutting truth.

i have not given it my all.

bare before his knowing eye,

i bleed and nod. 

(if nothing else, i know how to pick

a good lover)

 today, exactly four years since

vowing to,

he chooses patience, though it costs him anxiety,

he embraces me, flaws and all,

he helps me up on my horse

and hands me the sword...

he fights for and alongside me,

unafraid.

 oh, and all this stuff?

random piles of junk

i found strewn around the house

when the dust settled.

i believe something beautiful

can come of them.