Friday, June 22, 2012

what is left and how to move forward

well, the wedding came and went,
beautiful as it could be,
hectic, joyful.
and so the guests,
leaving behind
acute silence.
followed two days
of proper hibernation,
blacked out windows blocking
any trace of summer.
contentment, tea, pjs.

enter a wave of unwanted guests:
 confusion, dismay, paralyzing fear.
a slow season for the sale
of my works has me disheartened.
the bread and butter thing
looms, threatens... and
it seems i am unable to get side work.
balancing on the edge of screwed.

 but wait, my knight in shining armor
is here to kick my butt.
he tells me the work is good,
good enough to help us survive.
if only i poured myself into it.
no distractions, no excuses.
he is brave enough to tell the cutting truth.
i have not given it my all.
bare before his knowing eye,
i bleed and nod. 
(if nothing else, i know how to pick
a good lover)
 today, exactly four years since
vowing to,
he chooses patience, though it costs him anxiety,
he embraces me, flaws and all,
he helps me up on my horse
and hands me the sword...
he fights for and alongside me,

 oh, and all this stuff?
random piles of junk
i found strewn around the house
when the dust settled.
i believe something beautiful
can come of them.


  1. always

    xox - eb.

  2. Your work takes my breath away.

    Embrace your knight and maybe even give him a smooch for his patience and knowing ways. He sounds a bit like my own knight - always there for me, always understanding [even when he really doesn't get the whole art thing], always handy with a shoulder to cry on...and a swift kick in the derriere when needed.

    Just know that you are not alone and that your art is amazing.

    1. the kind words, knowing nod, good companions
      sustain me in the journey.

      thank you!

  3. Replies
    1. grateful for the path,
      each shaky step,
      the good companions.

  4. believe in you the way he believes in you.
    your work+heart=beautiful

    1. doubt is a miserable companion.
      needs to be ditched.

      thank you!

  5. what can i say? doubting is not comfortable, but it keeps us alive

    1. truth. and without struggle
      we'd have quite a boring story
      to tell.

  6. dear anca,
    if only i had the financial resources to buy each and every one of your pieces... i just LOVE the new one with the labels and the roses - so brilliant, so truthful, so resourcefully poetic...
    and of course i soooo wanted to buy my namesake painting in your sale *sigh* why, oh why, does money have to get in the way of truth and beauty??? if only i had something you needed to barter with...
    i'm so sure that the exchange of goods/services is more honest than the exchange of coins... but it's not how the rent/mortgage gets paid, is it???
    sorry - i didn't mean to get on my soapbox...
    sending all my love and encouragement to you xxx

    1. a big loving embrace to you, dear claire!
      i could hope for nothing more than to be able to create
      and offer my work to people who adore it
      with disregard for monetary value.
      perhaps bit by bit we can work towards
      creating a world where community based
      exchanges such as the one you suggest are possible.
      where to begin? and how to figure out the pesky mortgage problem?

      for now, all i can do is work my heart out into good art.

      all my love, dearest!

  7. You're very lucky to have support like that, though it's hard for me to believe you're not giving it your all. And I'm certain something beautiful will come of those random things... what are those pink things, btw?

    1. i am blessed indeed, and there is grace for the times when i really am not giving it my all. the pink things are lychee shells laid to dry.

  8. Anca
    Beautiful words, beautiful images. Continue on being brave. Your work is amazing.

    1. thank you, kim. just trying not to be afraid.

  9. You have such courage to show your vulnerable side.. the doubts, the angst, the artist blocks from time to time.. we all have our own personal kick in the butt... mine is a rejection or lack of a sale in an auction... I become more determined to get to work.

    1. it takes a brave spirit to choose determination in the face of rejection. thank you for the encouragement, warrior friend!